HAI, COM317 GROUP GAIZ

I blogged this on here like 2 years ago. I was going through my old posts, found this and started lol-ing pretty badly. I'm going to miss nonsense like this.

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Day 1 of Fall Semester 2008

My teacher for COM317 class (intro. to business and professional comm.) told each group to write a 'speech'. It can be in chronological order/complex to simple/known to unknown etc etc. Stuff like that. So our group decided to fool around with 'chronological order' and this was what we came up with:

How to kill a chicken for consumption.

First, set up a freedom restricting device (FRD) using some tantalizing chicken feed ala worm. Next, await the grand arrival and consumption of feed ala worm by chicken. This crucial step will activate the freedom restricting device (FRD), which will restrict the freedom of the chicken.

Then, we will slowly and carefully lift up the FRD with the non-master hand, and we will reach in with our master hand to apply a vice-like grip to the chicken's walking apparatus (WA).

Adjust and enhance to a comfortable yet firm grip. Using your non-master hand, apply another vice-like grip to the other WA. Take note that the above process should be completed within the shortest possible time, because failure to do so will result in the repetition of the whole process and the unfavourable freedom of the chicken.

Next, transfer your master hand to the head supporting apparatus (HSA) of the chicken with your thumb perpendicular to the ground, and parallel to the force of gravity.

Give the HSA a firm and abrupt clockwise (or counter clockwise) twist, and lift the brain containment unit (BCU) off the HSA housing. Tilt the organ-containment unit (OCU) in the angle of 45.8 degrees to facilitate the excretion of red oxygen carrying fluids.

With a sharpened tool, slit from under the solar plexus all the way down to the waste excretion opening. Empty contents.

Slowly but surely, lower the carcass of the chicken into a pot made of steel, containing liquid made up of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen at a boiling temperature of one degree above ninety-nine degrees.

Remove temperature preservation coating (aka feathers) to expose the porous flesh covering. Finally, consume.

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<3 you all.