Jaded. Again? Eff.

Some things just don't change.

Like how I'd probably never hate shopping or stop being vain.

Or like how I want to say so many things to so many people but I'm afraid to. Maybe one day I won't be able to catch myself in time. Meanwhile however, I'll shut up and find a way out of my comfort zone.

But I can put up a list of things I want to say to various people!

1. The fake accent is only making me want to choke you more.
2. I refuse to believe you are that oblivious to your insensitivity. Which makes you a bitch.
3. I am so grateful for you.
4. If you wanted it, I can still make a list of reasons why you are awesome.
5. It's getting old. Do you mind shutting up?
6. I don't know what kind of shit you have been telling people.
7. I envy your disgusting wealth.
8. I'm sorry.
9. You're kinda misunderstood. I wish more people liked you.
10. You have to stop being a heartbreaker.

I have more. But God forbid.

It's Wednesday tomorrow?

Afternoon.

Blogging streak.

I need to start sleeping a bit early. Of course I'm talking out of my ass again but it makes me feel slightly better when I put it down in black and white.

So I downloaded a couple of movies and 2/3 happened to be Nicholas Sparks' movies. Sian. Sad overload. I wanted happier chick flicks. No one likes to admit it but everyone loves a good romantic comedy come onnnnnnnnn.

Did I mention I often get my revelations while showering? Must be something about the wet confined space. After the latest epiphany, I find myself happier than I've been in a while. I cannot tahan the fact that I was oblivious to something so simple for so long. But dammit. This is good news for me. I feel stupider now than before actually but  heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Nothing better than making progress.

Machiam motivational poster I know. I'm saturated with cliches suddenly. Can't explain it.

Hi, I just came back from lunch. Yummeh mee siam. Can't wait for the coming week :)

Spiral

You try, efforts go unnoticed. Yeah, we've all been bitch slapped by that. Probably ranks pretty high up in the "worst feeling in the world" list.

But was it really THAT bad?

Really? Of course I have my flaws. I think that of myself so many times a day my sister is convinced I have an inferiority complex. But hey I never knew I had the ability to make anyone vehemently insist that I am incorrigible.

Screw this feeling ok. Seriously.

What the f*ck is going on?

NO, SERIOUSLY.

WTF?

As I suspected. Something in the air. Must be the "people doing effing stupid shit" dust everyone's breathing in.

(OK, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN)

Makes me insanely angry. Some people have no common sense. But then again I lost some of mine recently. Looking forward to regaining some.

Ok you know what. I have a lot of things to say but I can't because I would want to name the assholes.

Wow I cannot emphasize how angry I am right now.

Sink.

Not fun, to be on the receiving end of what I have just been... given. Though I think it's time I got the karma. I had it coming. The only problem is, what I am setting out to do is probably going to require more effort than previously thought. I said before that I'm a "I'll cross the bridge when I come to it" sort of person. Hey guess what, the goddamn bridge is here and I am going to attempt to cross the sucker.

You must be wondering how I saw the metaphorical bridge. It was a sinking feeling. Like a resignation - then I knew. It was time to let go. It seemed like for a long time I was deciding on whether I "wanted" or "needed" to. It was like I was waiting for some sort of cue. I hate wondering but now I know. Suspense flips me out so badly you have no idea what I have to do to suppress the adrenaline.

I just wish it didn't have to get so out of control. Why it took me so long to realise it, I'll never know. Made some pretty ill-advised decisions in the past few months. If given the chance to turn everything around, I would. Uh, cliche as bloody hell but what other way is there to say it? Plain and simple: I screwed up.

This is funny but I finally get the concept of PTSD. No, I'm not being melodramatic (thin line, I know) and saying that I have PTSD but I GET it now. You can be somewhat fine after a tragedy but only develop the anxiety disorder a few months later through memories and flashbacks. Same concept here. When I was learning that in school I never understood how that worked. Well.

See? I told you I'd still come back here to ramble when in the mood.

This mood is a terrible one to be in though. I KNOW it's terrible but I can't define it.

Too heartbroken. Other feelings kena marred already.