Sink.

Not fun, to be on the receiving end of what I have just been... given. Though I think it's time I got the karma. I had it coming. The only problem is, what I am setting out to do is probably going to require more effort than previously thought. I said before that I'm a "I'll cross the bridge when I come to it" sort of person. Hey guess what, the goddamn bridge is here and I am going to attempt to cross the sucker.

You must be wondering how I saw the metaphorical bridge. It was a sinking feeling. Like a resignation - then I knew. It was time to let go. It seemed like for a long time I was deciding on whether I "wanted" or "needed" to. It was like I was waiting for some sort of cue. I hate wondering but now I know. Suspense flips me out so badly you have no idea what I have to do to suppress the adrenaline.

I just wish it didn't have to get so out of control. Why it took me so long to realise it, I'll never know. Made some pretty ill-advised decisions in the past few months. If given the chance to turn everything around, I would. Uh, cliche as bloody hell but what other way is there to say it? Plain and simple: I screwed up.

This is funny but I finally get the concept of PTSD. No, I'm not being melodramatic (thin line, I know) and saying that I have PTSD but I GET it now. You can be somewhat fine after a tragedy but only develop the anxiety disorder a few months later through memories and flashbacks. Same concept here. When I was learning that in school I never understood how that worked. Well.

See? I told you I'd still come back here to ramble when in the mood.

This mood is a terrible one to be in though. I KNOW it's terrible but I can't define it.

Too heartbroken. Other feelings kena marred already.