I miss it so much.

So with only a couple more hours to go before 2011 swallows us whole, I'd like to put up another reflective blogpost. Haha, sorry.

I need a break from watching HIMYM so I decided to look back at my other New Year's Eve blog entries. Damn, I used to be more free-spirited. I wonder what happened to me. Didn't do a good job being an adult, I guess. Somewhere along the way I became this cynical freak. And I'm going to assume with good reason that it must've pissed a lot of people off. I'm working on it.

But my biggest problem is how much I hate when people change and make you sorely miss who they used to be. I would love to elaborate but it wouldn't be very gracious to do that here, now would it. I don't care for some of them of course, but what sucks here is that I'm missing the people who matter the most. It has been 12 short months. How can people change that much within a year? Sigh. Apparently apart from being cynical, I am also one big fat ball of naïveté. (Whatever, I know you got me)

I'm wishing for a lot this new year. So here are some which I don't think are all that unreasonable:

1. To get a good job, goddammit.
2. A true panoramic camera.
3. To stop being obsessed with things that don't deserve that energy.
4. For people to realise that they don't have to change into someone they'll ultimately hate.
5. To be more free-spirited.
6. More instant film.
7. For my backache to get the FFFF out of my body.
8. To have clearer complexion.
9. To be less of a snob.
10. For people I love to be closer.

I stopped having new year's resolutions because it seems like each year I have them just to set myself up for disappointment. Plus wishlists are more fun.

I hope everyone is contented with the way things are. If not, here's to a clean slate.

Happy 2011, guys. Cheers. :)

On the cusp.

It's currently 22 days into December and 9 days before 2010 is gone forever.

What a year. Really.

It started out great. Well. In retrospect. Though I remember doing a dramatic amount of complaining about the fact that school will be missing a lot of good people. That aside, things were great. Probably left-overs from the end of 2009.

But you know how things can seem too good to be true? Yeah well things started to get... sporadic after a while. Some of them my fault while others were sadly un-siam-able.

My sister went into (my god, extremely) prematured labour and after a morbid amount of blood transfusions later gave birth to twins on the 29th of January. That day I almost lost my best friend on account of two incredible life forms. What a surreal feeling. I still don't know where my mind went that night. Though I am happy to say that things (baby wise) got better ever since. I'd like to keep it that way for a long, loooooooong time.

So!

Between then and somewhere towards the middle of 2010 things started to get really disgusting. Pretty sure I brought that upon myself. Struggled with macro-economics in school, flunked its mid-term paper, met a bitch, lost the bitch, got mind-f*cked, lost a boyfriend, graduated. HELLO, UNEMPLOYMENT!

It was pathetic, how I handled all that at once. Worst of all, I tried to justify the shit I did. My "coping mechanism", if you will.

For a long time I believed myself. I was pretty convinced that I had good reason to be doing the stuff I did. I chose not to admit it to anyone but am deciding to put this here tonight. All that crazy shit damn-near destroyed me. Sounds wussy, uh huh. But losing someone you never knew you could love like family because of some horseshit definitely tops the list of stupidest things one can do. So children, remember this: always think of consequences. Also, always say a big F*CK YOU to dodgy situations. Your best bet is to stay away from toxic people.

So now here I am. It's 1:29am on a Wednesday morning and I'm glad to say that I've rectified some of the crap that I've pulled. Not all but I guess I'm working on it. (Like how I'm still very much jobless) I still really want things to return to the way they were. The good stuff of course, but that's just being selfish and unreasonable. I'm hoping that in 9 days, the new year will put an end to me missing the good stuff of 2010.

So here's to 2011. Bring it.