18 Febuary 2010

Yes I know I haven't been blogging as religiously as before but up until now, I had no mojo. And it is my birthday today after all anyway... so... yeah...

This birthday has been kinda surreal. I don't know why (wow I forgot how therapeutic blogging was) I have been having these bouts of surrealism (this is an actual word) recently. I suddenly feel like a 50 year old having a midlife crisis. Will said it could be a 'quarter-life crisis'. You know, like the John Mayer song said. I think he's right.

Today was surreal for a few reasons. I woke up at 12am and stayed awake for a bit, allowing myself to sink deeper and deeper into melancholy. It suddenly hit me that I don't remember much of the year that went by so quickly. It made me sad. You know that feeling you get when you're trying really hard to remember something but you just CAN'T? I wanted to remember the things that made my year count but I couldn't. But then again maybe it's alzheimer's since I did just turn 22.

I need to stop taking things, and especially people, for granted. Because when you realise it, the feeling is sickening.

Today was also different because many people whom I didn't think would say nice things along with a 'happy birthday' did. It really didn't matter who said it. It was all very nice :)

But today mattered most of all because I got to be beside Aaden. I'm normally not allowed in the ICU ward but he was moved from his usual spot to a room with a kind enough nurse. He is the tiniest baby I've ever seen. The tiniest ten toes and ten fingers and the tiniest face. But it was when he opened his eyes that I felt like crying. I looked at him, called his name and he looked right at me with the tiniest eyes. I want him to come home soon. He and his sister Chloe, whom I haven't had the chance to see at all. Time doesn't seem to be passing fast enough. I want to snuggle up to both of them.

The doctor called my sister today to say that Chloe might have to have heart surgery if the hole in her heart doesn't close soon. Apparently all babies are born with this tiny hole in the heart that is supposed to close naturally. But Chloe's is not showing signs of closing and they might have to intervene. And Aaden is away in a little isolation room because he is carrying some bacteria that might cause an infection. Sigh.

I told you the day was surreal.