Change.

It's 1:58am.

I'd much rather spend the time studying for my econs exam on Monday but I find myself worrying about other things.

Do you believe that something can be the cause AND the solution?

I have changed. Whether or not for the worst, I don't know. But I'd like to know when, how and WHY I did.

I swear it's some quarter-life crisis thing.

While I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, I really cannot discount the fact that I have been doing some things I'm not particularly proud of. The worst part? I don't see myself going back to how I used to be. There had to be a catalyst; I'm still looking for it. I have rounded up the usual suspects, of course: School, friends, the future and people in general.

But that's not nearly enough. Not by a long shot. If you think about it, these things affect people all the time. I should just get the hell over it. It has happened before and I got by just fine. Why not now?

How how HOW did I get so jaded.

The only consolation for the rest of the dark morning - the kueh lapis in the fridge. Yum. So bloody expensive, though.

3 more days till uni ends. It was 20 days when I last whined about it here. Weird thing, this 'time'. So definite and relative all at once.

Oh well. In true Obama fashion,

it's time for a change.

HAI, COM317 GROUP GAIZ

I blogged this on here like 2 years ago. I was going through my old posts, found this and started lol-ing pretty badly. I'm going to miss nonsense like this.

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Day 1 of Fall Semester 2008

My teacher for COM317 class (intro. to business and professional comm.) told each group to write a 'speech'. It can be in chronological order/complex to simple/known to unknown etc etc. Stuff like that. So our group decided to fool around with 'chronological order' and this was what we came up with:

How to kill a chicken for consumption.

First, set up a freedom restricting device (FRD) using some tantalizing chicken feed ala worm. Next, await the grand arrival and consumption of feed ala worm by chicken. This crucial step will activate the freedom restricting device (FRD), which will restrict the freedom of the chicken.

Then, we will slowly and carefully lift up the FRD with the non-master hand, and we will reach in with our master hand to apply a vice-like grip to the chicken's walking apparatus (WA).

Adjust and enhance to a comfortable yet firm grip. Using your non-master hand, apply another vice-like grip to the other WA. Take note that the above process should be completed within the shortest possible time, because failure to do so will result in the repetition of the whole process and the unfavourable freedom of the chicken.

Next, transfer your master hand to the head supporting apparatus (HSA) of the chicken with your thumb perpendicular to the ground, and parallel to the force of gravity.

Give the HSA a firm and abrupt clockwise (or counter clockwise) twist, and lift the brain containment unit (BCU) off the HSA housing. Tilt the organ-containment unit (OCU) in the angle of 45.8 degrees to facilitate the excretion of red oxygen carrying fluids.

With a sharpened tool, slit from under the solar plexus all the way down to the waste excretion opening. Empty contents.

Slowly but surely, lower the carcass of the chicken into a pot made of steel, containing liquid made up of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen at a boiling temperature of one degree above ninety-nine degrees.

Remove temperature preservation coating (aka feathers) to expose the porous flesh covering. Finally, consume.

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<3 you all.

A dip in the happiness pool.

So if everything goes according to plan, Aaden is going to be home on Friday/Saturday (23rd/24th)! Big sister Chloe is doing awesome too but has to stay a tiny bit longer.

Chloe

Aaden

And new baby cots:

:D

I have been asked to be 'designer' for the baby room. I am so psyched.

Exams, please come and go.

Come home soon?

Chloe

Aaden

I love you.

Reason

Whip

So here we are. The last week of school before exams start next week.

I've been doing a lot of things I've never done before recently. Like staying in school till 10ish for the past one week to do work, among other things. It seems like I've been doing so much work but not feeling accomplished.

Something is missing.

For a long time now but I'm not getting any closer to finding it, and it's annoying the heck out of me.

You know what else really annoys me too? Comic Sans. but that's totally unrelated.

There is a bright side, though. Now that Chloe and Aaden are out of their incubators, I can touch them all I want. Ok until the nurse comes to shoo me because only parents and grandparents are allowed. But I don't really care anyway.

When I look at their small faces and into their small eyes I suddenly just forget about everything else. That's cliche, I know. But if you're fortunate enough to get that feeling, you'll know exactly what I mean. I just... don't bother about anything else. Nothing. I can just smile at them all day and not even care if they don't know how much I love them.

Then I leave their side to come back to the real world.

And now here I am.

Alphaville writes well.

There's no reason to hurry
Just start that brand new story
Set it alight, we're head over heels in love,
Head over heels.

The ringing of your laughter
It sounds like a melody
To once forbidden places
We'll go for a while.

When we're moving so soft and slow
We need the ecstasy, the jealousy,
The comedy of love

Give me more tragedy, more harmony
And fantasy, my dear
And set it alight, just starting that satellite
Set it alight.

Bursting at the seams.

Too many things going on,
too little time to hold it all in.

Anyway, I suck at trying to make people feel better.

Even with myself, I fail.

I hope everybody wakes up feeling better.

I'm on a blogging streak.

It could be short-lived, I don't know. But I've been blogging pretty consistently I think.

so hello! I just got home from a somewhat productive project day, although there were times where we couldn't get anything done. maybe it was from the lack of food or naz's cats, I don't know.

my room is in an absolute mess. it's the weekend again and my mom might come up and scream the exact thing she has been screaming for the past decade or so. MESS. I think the 2-3 ants at the foot of my bed are trying to tell me something too.

on a wholly different note, I have friends taking a communication ethics class this semester and my eavesdropping on their conversations has made me realise that everyday, we do morally disgusting things without even realising it.

a friend asked me the other day, "What trait do you think is generally possessed by everyone?" (or something to that effect)

"Selfishness." I said.

then he went on talking about how women only think about negative stuff, blah. but as he was yammering away, I was thinking about why I said what I said.

we are all really selfish people. I know I am. we are sometimes overly concerned about our own happiness because at the back of our minds, we know that no one can take care of it as well as we can.

2 people very close to me told me recently that they'd do whatever it takes to get what they wanted. while that may seem unbelievably selfish, I think it's commendable to be able to admit it. one of them told me that if something were important enough to risk everything, he'd do anything.

then I realised that the selfishness had translated into selflessness.

sounds mad, I know. LOL. but I've been having weird revelations and it's screwing with my mind.

but don't you think it's better to admit something bad about yourself than to be a hypocrite?