I want to stop making excuses.

I've recently discovered a new kind of irony - It draws sadness from things made of incredible happiness. Ok I'm having a little trouble trying to translate that feeling into words because I don't quite understand it yet. Maybe certain kinds of happiness only exists as long as you allow yourself to have that fantasy. After returning to reality you start looking for excuses as to why things are never quite what you picture them to be.

That initial happiness is cruel. It's like a tease done in bad taste.

What if you never get what you want? What if no one wants to make sure that you're really ok?

By the way, I'm running out of excuses as to why I feel this way.

Things

I tend to overreact. Like how I did in my previous blogpost. But I'd rather be that than insensitive. So there.

Anyway.

I'm going to sign up for street jazz classes with Lena and Sze soon. I'm very excited because I actually spaz-dance a lot in my room and I finally get decent exercise. Win!

Also I just downed a big cup of cran-apple juice. It's 3am. Now I feel like pooping.

ALSO ALSO! I put all my instant pictures up on my wall. Will post a picture of that soon.

GOOD NIGHT!

Mistake

Every now and then I find a way to torture myself. More often than not it starts off as an unintentional thing. But halfway through I realise that I'm doing it on purpose.


Like today.

I was going through my hotmail inbox looking for old school assignments and very unfortunately came across several really heartbreaking emails. They weren't sad emails. Which was such a mindf*ck because it shouldn't be so painful to read the happiest emails.

So sad right now I can't help but cry as I type this.

She said,

"If you have the potential to be such a sweetheart why don't you exercise that potential?"